What constitutes a boring life...

Well, one of the most misunderstood words in today's lingo is boring. It is extremely subjective yet each one of us thinks that his/her definition of boring is correct! There are some people who find this blog 'boring' while some kind people like it (and even ask for it!!). So lets first have a look at what boring exactly means.
Boring (adj) refers to what is so uninteresting as to cause mental weariness. Boring implies feelings of listlessness and discontent. Now, what interests you should not necessarily interest me and vice versa (Although there are certain kinds of gossip that interest everyone). Then how can somethings be generalized as boring? Another way of looking at it is lack of patience. Due to lack of time at hand or just because of selfish undercurrents or even due to plain lack of etiquette there is this tendancy of being impatient especially when it comes to listening. As someone who had been labelled poor listener umpteen times and someone who is still trying to learn the art of good listening, this author can tell you that being a good listener is absolutely vital in one's life. It takes a lot of patience to listen to things that don't interest you and even more to read such things (for the author reading most of his course books was a real test of patience which he failed quite a few times, just falling asleep with the book below his head) but many a times it is important.
Well the author is not asking his students to be all ears all the time but the point is about patience and acceptance of others' opinions no matter how senseless they (either the opinions or the others or both) may be.
Now lets move on to what constitutes a boring life:
1. Not going to pubs/dance bars/ awesome places where one can afford to go only once a month due to exorbitantly high prices of seemingly normal food stuffs.
2. Not smoking or drinking - in the modern world having no addiction is akin to using language with proper diction. No addiction -> No a(ddi)ction and No Action -> Boring life.
3. Sticking to same brands and choices of places/music/authors - Not exploring exotic things is wasting life - How hollow your life will be if you haven't the lebanese cusine or you haven't been to the new theme restaurent that is exorbitantly priced!!
4. Not watching foreign movies - How can let go of watching foreign films (even if you dont understand the language use sub titles) oh common - you came on this earth to see the best that it has on offer!!
5. Not flaunting - If you dont flaunt your latest purchases/acquisitions/achievements then you surely are leading a boring life - See your life should be like an 'Aaj tak' or 'India TV' report i.e. always replete with Sansanikhej happenings- shorn of such interesting tough your life is boring!
6. Last but not the least your life is not interesting if you enjoy it it is interesting only if others find palpable signs (read high valued purchases, travels to exotic locations, status messages saying 'I am having a ball- life is great', photographic evidence of overtly happy moments, or even a perpetually 'busy' message which implies you have absolutely immersed yourself in some universe changing project) of it being interesting. What you appear is what you are - So if you want to have a rocking life avoid the five habbits mentioned above and achieve the ultimate goal of your life - an intersting life!!!

Jealousy

I can sense the excitement and the anxiety that all you readers have about this post because of the prolonged absence of a new sermon from your big-daddy. And hence without much ado lets get to today's topic - Jealousy.

Before we begin, let me first tell you what is the difference between envy and jealousy (which I myself did not know until I heard Mr. Gurucharan Das talk about it at one of the functions at my college - well to be a good teacher you need to learn from others too). Here I quote what Dictionary.com talks about Envy and Jealousy:
Envy denotes a longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another: to feel envy when a friend inherits a fortune. Jealousy, on the other hand, denotes a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightfully deserves: to feel jealousy when a coworker receives a promotion.

Jealousy also refers to anguish caused by fear of unfaithfulness. (This Jealousy although quite prevalent is out of the scope of this discourse as the author wants to eradicate both fear and unfaithfulness from the minds of his readers).

Well envy is one of the biggest drivers of the world economy or the entire world for that matter. Most people are envious of others (after you finish this course in life (as the name suggests author's blog is one big course in life) you might be envious of this blog but you would be able to control your feelings extremely well by then so it should not be a problem). Envy makes you do things that you would not have done otherwise. The reason why big brands which sell a pair of jeans which is otherwise available for Rs. 500 for Rs.5000 or people who run behind money to lead a comfortable life suddenly start running on a trade mill , that too after paying money for it to build six pack abs is - ENVY! Yet envy might be good in some way or other (although the author personally may not agree with this opinion in many cases, there is some degree of agreement) as it may lead to better outcomes. But when it comes to jealousy it can just change your life.
Being jealous and trying to make others jealous seems to be in fashion these days ( the author is sure that it would have been there from times immemorial but unless one brands something as new or novel it won't sell hence the sentence). Although jealousy comes naturally there are some ways to try to induce jealousy in others. Why induce jealousy- simple read Lesson 1 of Big Daddy's guide to life - to show others that you are successfull and hence better than others.

One of the ways of inducing jealousy, is using extravagantly priced Branded items. Extravagantly priced - something that is being sold at more than 200% premium to an ordinary item. (e.g. a tie for Rs. 1350 when normally good quality ties are available at 250-400).
Many people use this under the facade of quality but this also is questionable as even quality items don't guarantee anything.

As the author sees it - if one starts getting jealous one might entirely forget the basic reason for one's existance and start running behind things that others are running. If my friend buys a Goodsand shoe for 3550 even I need it- see it is costly but it lasts longer than a KATA. But the fact is - is it really necessary? Do you really want to wear the same shoe for 6 years?

It is even worse in case of those who consume liquor. My boss consumes Bodkha so even I want that. I shall work 3 hours extra every day and get that extra bonus so that even I can have it. After Bodkha - Gum - Jisky - Botch - and up the 'value chain'. In the end many people just end up working harder for that better brand. If looked at from a higher level - all the hard work you put in is going into pockets of the Brand fellows - who create an illusive perception. Most of the times we just dont need the high quality that these brands have to offer, yet we fall pray to it.

So next time you choose your Brand - just ask yourself is it really necessary ? is it really worth it? (Remember money doesn't grow on trees) If it is - go for it. If it is not worth it then also don't worry just buy it and hope that some other person becomes jealous of you !!!

I don't care, should I?

Well, some of the readers might have started laughing already reading the topic, (it was a good college time joke- nothing out of the world about it) but today's topic is not going to be humourous. Today, the author has decided to point out some ways of behaviour that are highly avoidable. There is a small set of manners and etiquette that one needs to follow to be nice. It is simple yet the majority doesn't adhere to it. Being nice is fun. Try it out and you will feel the difference in your life:

Simple ways to be Nice or rather nice ways to be simple:

1. If someone smiles at you don't ignore and go off as if you have not noticed - smile back it doesn't cost money.
2. If someone asks you "How are you?"don't just say 'ok/good/fine' and go away, care to ask the other person "How he/she is" (How often do we miss that?)
3. If someone is talking about something that doesn't interest you, at least try to listen for some time - 'things have different levels of importance in different people's lives' this statement is equally true for others as much as it is for you.
4. If you get a missed call/mail try getting back - replying to communication is a basic mannerism - sadly we are too busy to even read what others want to say.
5. Try to make someone happy - it isnt all that difficult, help someone out with directions, assist someone, listen to someone's stories patiently. Why always be in a hurry?
6. Most of the times we do things that we enjoy - sometimes, for a change, do things that others might enjoy - just to make someone happy.




Now to explain how all these things should work with a 'real life' example:

1. You get a link to my blog - don't feign as if you never got the link.. at least click it - it is free.
2. I write so much for you guyz- at least write a one liner comment. It is reciprocating.
3. Even if you don't like what I write try reading it. 'Things have different levels of importance in different people's lives' this statement is equally true for others as much as it is for you.'
4. If I send you the link of my blog, at least read it -and you don't want to publically comment on it send a personal note through chat.
5. Make me happy by regularly reading my blog and commenting.
6. I know you don't enjoy reading long posts - but I enjoy writing long , so for a change read my entire post - just to make me happy.

I am sure you got your lesson in manners and etiquette. So no more not reading "guide to life". Follow the guide to life and you shall be happy sooner or later!

About the title: I don't care whether the title is apt or not, should I?

From Fifteen Love to Thirty Love..

Well, the smart student of life would already have realized that the author, although seemingly alluding to tennis intends to lecture about love life. The smarter student would be wondering if the author has any legitimate authority to lecture on a topic where the author hardly has any experience. While the smartest student would be busy enjoying this wonderful Sunday with the wonderful company of his/her valentine (physical or telephonic or electronic).

This said, the author intends express author's feelings about the hallowed valentine's day from the times the author started understanding the meaning of valentines day. The readers here, must remember that the author understood the meaning of love even before he passed 2nd grade but the concept of valentine's day caught on pretty later.

At Fifteen love, the life had served an ace to the author and author was trying to see whether he could spot the ball. 'The serves of life, sometimes are so fast that the other player has no time even to spot the ball leave alone thinking about a return'. The author was , at that point thinking about fifteen all (or rather all fifteens). (If you donot understand what the author is talking about , you need to understand that there are some things that need further reading and some things that need re- reading. This is the latter. Read the stuff again and maybe you will be able to make some sense out of the words written here. But there maybe no sense at all as well so "choose wisely- live better" (guess the company whose tagline is this?)). Fifteen all did not happen and neither did sixteen love, seventeen love and with today the remote possibility of twenty-six love also comes to an end.
As the score now approaches thirty love and all other friends of the authors having "game-set-match" one by one, the match point seems coming closer. But this has got hardly anything to do with today's lecture.

Today we (read I) talk about Love and Valentines Day. Five ways to ensure that you have a happy valentine's day (if you are single):
1. DONOT send happy valentine's day message to your friends - it is a waste of your money, it doesn't make anyone happy- for those who are commited care a damn about your sms and and those who are single are reminded of their failure to get a valentine by your message. So you end up spending money without making any impact. In case if you want to make someone your valentine, then if it takes only an sms to convince that someone then think twice- why only you ? Why not someone else? It is better that you talk in such case. So SMS is a strict No no!
2. DONOT go to coffee shops, gift shops , restaurents etc. Reason - at such places you would either find couples or extremely frustrated singles - so unless you are also extremely frustrated don't go searching for your valentine at such places. If you could find your valentine at coffee shops these shops would have sold addresses and contacts not coffee!
3. Go to temple, offer prayers to the God! At temple you might end up finding some well cultured guy/girl who is away from all this show off stuff. And there's a high probability that the other person will also think the same about you - if not at least the God(ess) will shower his/her blessings on you.
4. DONOT build expectations! One day can change your life - surely! But why only this day?? If your life has to change due to arrival of some beautiful person in your life then why does it have to be only the 14th day of February? Remember this is just the day of expression - not necessarily the day of acceptance.
5. Send out the link of this blog to other single people like you. This will give you romantic browny points - something like romantic karma so that next valentines day you'd rather be with someone interesting than reading this blog for single people.

If you are not single and have read till this point - you are really a good person because you have shown committment towards completing the task that you have taken up - in this case reading the blog. I wish you a very happy and fulfilling romantic life! Enjoy!!

All singles - your day will come for sure - because if it isnt 15-love, 30-love or 40 love - It can surely be 30-15, 40-15 or 40-30 ;-).

Dedicated to my favourite author P.G. Wodehouse on his 35th death anniversary!

Lesson 3: How to write a great speech

Now that you have learned how to attract attention of people through the first two lessons, the next thing is holding on to the attention. For this you need to be a good speaker and a good speaker can deliver great speeches. So the challenge is how to write a great speech.

Well, people have come up with books and what not but for you guys I will capture the essence of all that in just few , easy to remember rules:

1. While introducing your point beat around the bush. For example if you want to say that - I am here to ask you to read my blog - instead of saying it in plain simple way, Say - "Today as I stand in front of you, in this chilling January cold, with my hand on my keyboard (while the other is busy scratching my back), I am not just entering random words on the screen (that I do in my blog!), I am trying to attract your attention to something that has the power to change the way you think, you work, you perceive life and in fact this something can change your entire life and this is not some kind of a magic medicine that I am talking about. I am talking about my blog - "big daddy's guide to life". So I request each and every one of you to please take time out of your busy schedules and have a look at these sincere words which come straight from my heart."

2. Include thoughts/sentences of great people e.g. Winston Benjamin once famously said that "Whether or not you become great is a matter of chance but whether or not you want to become great is a matter of choice."

Now if you think that remembering lines of great people is a pain, first of all if it is a pain for you it is pain for others as well. So whatever lines and names you remember just say it. (Could you find out when I quoted Winston Benjamin that actually Winston Benjamin is a West Indies Fast Bowler and if you google the quoted line you'd get some results like Princess Bride etc.)

3. Include some stories in your speech so that if people are not interested in your speech at least they will try to listen to the story. It is expected that the story has at least some relation with the message that is supposed to be conveyed through the speech yet you may always innovat e and tell absolutely unrelated story.

4. Always make it a point to criticize the system here in India. Everybody feels that (s)he is not as big a success because of the system or (s)he is a big success despite the system and hence people will readily agree. See you want most of your audience to agree with your point so try first state some obvious points that the audience will surely agree to and once they get into that habit of agreeing pass off your point - at least a few will fall for it.

5. Never miss the audience - talk about them, everyone wants to be talked about so does your audience. Praise the audience (even if it is insincere but be judicious!). Show faith in them - use expressions like "Nothing is impossible for audience like you, its just matter of resolve / you guyz are absolutely wonderful etc."

6. Always end with a question - if possible an interesting one so that the audience will be busy thinking about the answer of the question rather than the poor quality of your speech ( poor quality -thanks to these guidelines), see it is like after an aweful meal if you get a very nice ice cream or a dessert its taste keeps lingering in your mouth and you tend to overlook the aweful meal. e.g. "All said and done - at the end it all depends on the God's will (wish) just like - who will win this year's French open (which depends on the tennis God Roger Federer's wish :-))? (Smart speaker will use a more generic question(like wheather Katrina will marry Salman/whether Vidarbha will ever be a separte state?/Whether KGV's blog will ever become interesting and popular? etc.) instead of French open because not many people are interested in Tennis)

With these 6 points as the six stumps in the ground start your new innings in lecturing! May the force be with you!

Now I Get Your Brother

Ever since I saw the first episode of "How I met your mother" I was very impressed with the character Barny Stinson except for his loose character (see my conventional old fashioned mindset, somehow doesn't approve of his one night stands and all). Robin also, I feel, needs to be a responsible and dignified 'one man woman' like Lilly. And if all the people are 'one man woman or a one woman man' then how can the story of How I met your mother unfold? Well to solve this problem, I decided to awaken the dormant script writer inside me and decided to change the plot and rewrite the entire series myself to make it fit for the Traditional Indian Viewers. So the New serial will be called as "Now I get your Brother"

Please read on for the new plot:

Lilly is Married to Marshall and has common friends Robin and Barney. Marshall and Ted are Brothers (Not Bros). Ted, Robin Marshall, Lilly and Barney are a group of close friends and then comes Alice (if you think "who the fuck is Alice?" then -

Oooo

we don't where she's living

or where she's gonna go,

we guess she's got a reason

and you'd get to know

that in the end she gets married

to Marshall's Ted Bro

She's Alice.. Alice..

She's the protagonist Alice)

Alice wants to marry Ted but Marshall won't let her marry Ted or even let her tell Ted that she loves him and wants to Marry him because Marshall wants Ted to Marry Robin. But over a period of time Ted, who is initially infatuated with Robin, gets to know that Robin is not his kind of a girl. While Robin falls in love with Barney who is too busy running around other girls trying to impress them. Robin being a shy girl, cannot express her love for Barney while Barney thinks that Robin is too hot to fall for him. So the "Barney-Robin" relationship although mutually agreeable doesnt get through. When Alice gets to know of this through her talks with inebriated Barney and Lilly (Lilly tells her about Robin's crush on Barney) she enters into a swap-bet with Marshall that she if she is successful in making Barny marry Robin (without ever telling either of them that the other loves him/her), Marshall will swap Alice for Robin and allow Alice to Marry Ted. Marshall agrees to this bet and tries his best to thwart efforts of Alice who is secretly helped by Lilly. By the way, Lilly is appointed as the swap-bet commissioner by Marshall and Alice. Ted in the meantime changes two professions and starts liking Alice but is told by Marshall that Alice already has a boyfriend. Ted being a gentleman doesn't want to step into Alice's relationship.

To see How exactly this maze of emotions and schemes is broken and how the drama unfolds.. keep reading this blog because Alice wins in the end and she says "Now I get your Brother".

Lesson 2 :Se*! , - It Works!!

Well Its time for the lesson 2 of Bigdaddy's guide to life. This lesson is regarding how to attract attention of general populace (please DONOT confuse general populace with girls, as the author himself still doesn't seem to know how to attract attention of girls yet.) towards your profiles,blogs, webpages etc. The gimmick written about here is an extremely cheap way of getting attention but interestingly seems to work most of the times, even in TV shows, movies or books.

Talk about sex! Have references to or double meaning dialogs hinting at the tabooed three letter word and you'll get a lot of attention! Lets take the case of this very blog.

After three posts and a lot of canvassing , the response to this blog could euphemistically be termed as lukewarm . So , while on my way to Mumbai, I thought about carrying out this experiment of having a vague title hinting at something different!

(Well, I was pretty much tempted to include a description worded "Travels and travails are sometimes necessary in human life as they engender some of the most wonderful thoughts in one's mind. While en route to Mumbai for his pre-joining Medical examination, a similar thing happened with this author. The author, whose mind, many a times suspected to be a devil's workshop because of its supposed emptiness, thought of a wonderful gimmick to increase the traffic on his blog" but then this thought actually occurred to me just now and hardly any reader will be interested in the motive, nature and outcome of my recent visit to Mumbai )

And lesson 2 was christened as "Se*, it works!"

I will be tempted to deduce that almost all of you who earlier chose not to visit my blog, came to this page because of the title of this blog. Many of the readers will tend to confuse the first word with a word that is like a taboo. Even I myself have been (and most probably would be) very sparing in usage of the word and honestly prefer to spell it with an * instead of x.

But here I haven't done so - for this * stands for an e and not for x.

I am tempted to check whether the then famous statement by a then budding (and still budding too) actress Neha Dhupia that only two things sell in Bollywood SRK and SE* applies to the world of blog.

Sex although a very important part of one's life, should, in my opinion, be confined to more intimate surroundings both for discussions as well as otherwise. Although there is a lot of interest in this topic both on the author's as well as readers' side, let this topic be not touched in this blog.

So I really hope that the Title "See! it works" is proved as a misleading title in letter and not in spirit (because it was meant to mislead you into reading this article).

Interested reader might be surprised to know about one of the proposed ways of de-tabooing the word sex - By introducing the usage of this word as the highest order superlative for all the adjectives with positive connotation - which was suggested to Modern English Grammatical Society, in which case the word could be used like good-better-best-sex, funny-funnier-funniest-sex or tall-taller-tallest-sex.

e.g. Today is one of the Sex days of my life!

Mount Everest is the Sex peak in the world etc.

Interested readers even if tempted to use this grammar in comments section are requested to avoid it as this grammar is only proposed and not accepted yet!

So the real Lesson 2 is - although double meaning stuff and sexual connotations tend to be effective, Big Daddy's pupils should try to avoid these unless in an intimate environment. Such discussions are best enjoyed when in company of close friends and not in public.

Notice: The author is busy in writing script of a new parody "Now I get your Brother" and hence there might be some delay in the release of the next lesson. Readers are advised to revise the first two lessons during that time!